five things

willyshakes has issued a challenge of sorts. i'll give it a shot, but i'm not some overeducated highbrow english lit dude, so my list may not have the same gravitas as his. except for his last entry. that sounds a lot like me, and it's obvious that you can take the submariner, plop him in the middle of the most liberal surroundings, and he'll still fight the brainwashing, proving once again that you CAN NOT take the submarine out of the sailor, no matter how hard you try.
that said, here's his meme, followed by my responses

The rules state: Following there is a list of different occupations. You must select at least five of them. You may add more if you like to your list before you pass it on (after you select five of the items as it was passed to you).

Of the five you selected, you are to finish each phrase with what you would do as a member of that profession. Then pass it on to three fine bloggers.

Here's that list:

If I could be a scientist...
If I could be a farmer...
If I could be a musician...
If I could be a doctor...
If I could be a painter...
If I could be a gardener...
If I could be a missionary...
If I could be a chef...
If I could be an architect...
If I could be a linguist...
If I could be a psychologist...
If I could be a librarian...
If I could be an athlete...
If I could be a lawyer...
If I could be an innkeeper...
If I could be a professor...
If I could be a writer...
If I could be a backup dancer...
If I could be a llama-rider...
If I could be a bonnie pirate...
If I could be a midget stripper...
If I could be a proctologist...
If I could be a TV-Chat Show host...

if i could be a scientist...no wait, that won't work. been there, doing that. hmm this might be harder than i thought.

if i could be a missionary, i'd promise to change my pos... no, can't use that, because i'm trying to keep this a clean board. darn, this is really tough.

if i could be a linguist, i'd be as cunning a linguist as i c.... damn, there i go again. sorry kids. ask daddy what the joke is.

if i could be a midget stripper, i'd discover once again that the world smells different to a midget. ok, i'm getting the hang of this. maybe this isn't as difficult as i was making it out to be..

if i could be a lawyer, i'd shoot mys... no, can't go there. i don't want the impression given that i'm for spurious use of firearms. but that wouldn't be that frivolous a use, would it? so, i've only got one so far. drats.

if i could be a chef, i'd open a small intimate dining establishment, and invite only my friends... oh wait, i do that already. heck with it, i'm going with this. two down, only three more to go.

if i could be a proctologist, i'd work like crazy to get a job at a major research center. my mission would be to find a cure for cranial rectumitis, and i'd make sure that cure would be available for free to all of those in this country who's heads are firmly planted up their ass... oh, this is an awful lot like willy's mike al'mor comment. great minds must think alike i guess.

so willy, how've i done so far?

hmmmm.
if i could be a backup dancer, i'd convince anna kournikova that she has a brilliant singing career ahead of her, but only if i could be one of her dancers. then i'd do a kevin whatshisname that hooked up with brit spears. stick around long enough for bragging rights, and split, with millions. of course, my wife might have a few things to say about this, but hell, it WOULD be a way to make a quick million or so. yeah, that's the ticket. oh, oh, only one to go. my head hurts from trying to keep this civil, and civilized.

if i could be an athlete, i'd be the craziest sombich on the field. that way, after i'm old, fat, broken down, and no longer able to earn a living, i'd still be tapped for sports tv talk shows, and color commentary. great way to extend my career.

hey, i did it! who's next?