the new knee

the new knee, a set on Flickr.

here's my new knee!

what a bummer

here i am, working on a full recovery from a total knee replacement 5 weeks ago...it's doing well, thank you very much....and the weather outside is just screaming for me to grab the kayak and take it to the lake. if i could actually walk on two legs, i'd be there in a heartbeat. kind of hard to carry a 13 1/2 foot kayak while using a walker or cane.

today's email humor

Posted without comment, just in case my boss stumbles on this site.


A young engineer was leaving the office at 5:45 p.m. when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.

"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary is not here. Can you make this thing work?"

"Certainly," said the young engineer. He turned on the machine, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.

"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine, "I just need one copy."

Lesson: Never, never ever assume that your boss knows what he's doing.

today's email humor

Cletus is passing by Billy Bob's hay barn one day when, through a gap in the door, he sees Billy Bob doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old green John Deere tractor.

Buttocks clenched, he performs a slow pirouette, and gently slides off first the right strap of his overalls, followed by the left. He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move, lets his overalls fall down to his hips, revealing a torn and frayed plaid shirt. Then, grabbing both sides of his shirt, he rips it apart to reveal his stained T-shirt underneath. With a final flourish, he tears the T-shirt from his body, and hurls his baseball cap onto a pile of hay.

Having seen enough, Cletus rushes in and says, "What the heck're ya doing, Billy Bob?"

"Good Lord, Cletus, ya scared the bejeezers out of me," says an obviously embarrassed Billy Bob. "But me 'n the Ol' Lady been havin trouble lately in the bedroom d'partment, and the therapist suggested I do something sexy to a tractor."


[Don't make me come splain this to you!]

today's email humor is suitable for framing

Charlie's wife Lucy had been after him for several weeks to paint the seat on their toilet. Finally, he got around to doing itwhile Lucy was out. After finishing, he left to take care of another matter before she returned.

She came in and undressed to take a shower. Before getting in the shower, she sat on the toilet. As she tried to stand up, she realized that the not-quite-dry epoxy paint had glued her to the toilet seat.


About that time, Charlie got home and realized her predicament. They both pushed and pulled without any success whatsoever. Finally, in desperation, Charlie undid the toilet seat bolts.

Lucy wrapped a sheet around herself and Charlie drove her to the hospital emergency room.

The ER Doctor got her into a position where he could study how to free her.

Lucy tried to lighten the embarrassment of it all by saying,"Well, Doctor, I'll bet you've never seen anything like this before."

The Doctor replied, "Actually, I've seen lots of them. I just never saw one mounted and framed."

music to reload by

loaded 5 cds in the changer, and started to reload some ammo this evening. between last night and tonight, i've replenished at least some 9mm and 38 special target rounds. as i was working with the music in the background, the lyrics floated into my ears, bypassing the internal dialog.

Step inside! Hello! We've the most amazing show. You'll enjoy it all we know. Step inside! Step Inside!

We've got thrills and shocks, supersonic fighting cocks. Leave your hammers at the box
Come Inside! Come Inside! Roll up! Roll up! Roll up!
See the show!

i'd forgotten how much i liked emerson lake and palmer...

bedbugs? i've got something better

i've worked for 38 years in an industry where radioactive materials are part of our daily surroundings. protections are in place to keep from releasing any to the general public, and they work pretty well. we've even had to keep people from coming to work if they've had a medical procedure requiring isotope injection, because there would be no way for us to determine if they were contaminated by something that happened at work, or if it was residual radioactivity from a test. so this article at MyWay kind of struck a funny bone, and also made go go "Whaaaaa?"
worried about bed bugs in hotels? there may be other bugs (that's what we call contamination) in that bed! the headline says "Alarms over radiation from thyroid cancer patients". yeah, i knew most of the things they allude to, but did you know that there are radiation monitors at landfills? actually, i did. but how about radiation monitors in the Lincoln Tunnel, sensitive enough to trigger on a medical procedure dose administered to a person traveling at speed through the tunnel in a vehicle?
i bet there are other places too, but weren't mentioned in the article. i'm guessing airports and other mass public transportation hubs have them as well.

today's email humor

Well, I lost the Trivia Contest at the country club last night by 1 point.

I not only got the last question wrong, but was immediately asked to leave.

Go figure.

The question was: "Where do women have the curliest hair?"



Apparently the correct answer is Fiji .

today's funny

this might be old, but I just heard it.

What do Pink Floyd and Dale Earnhardt have it common?

Their last big hit was The Wall.......

today's email humor post of the day

The Pope and Nancy Pelosi>> >> >>



The Pope and Nancy Pelosi are on the same stage in Yankee Stadium in front of a huge crowd.

The Pope leans towards Mrs. Pelosi and said, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, but will go deep into their hearts and they'll forever speak of this day and rejoice!"

Pelosi replied, "I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!"

So the Pope backhanded the bitch--


AND THE CROWD ROARED & CHEERED WILDLY....

Kind of brings tears to your eyes, doesn't it

just kayaking along

pix from my latest trip out on the kayak.


see the whole set here

today's email humor from my buddy Jay

Learn from your elders


A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long flight.

The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could get one over on them easy.

So the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game.

The senior is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists, saying that the game is a lot of fun. I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5. Then you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500, he says.

This catches the senior's attention and, to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. 'What's the distance from the Earth to the Moon?'

The senior doesn't say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

Now it's the senior's turn. He asks the lawyer, 'What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?'

The lawyer uses his laptop and searches all references he can find on the Net.

He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows; all to no avail. After an hour of searching, he finally gives up.

He wakes the senior and hands him $500. The senior pockets the $500 and goes right back to sleep.

The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the senior up and asks, 'Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?'

The senior reaches into his pocket, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

primers!

wow. looks like the great primer famine may finally be over. i just got 4000 of the 7000 i ordered back in late October, with the remainder set to arrive around the end of the month.
finally. i was starting to wonder if i would ever get more. the kids found some around Christmas time (at what was probably predatory prices), so i was not without resources. but dayam. an 8 month backorder logjam? you kidding me?

bizarro is the best

you do go and visit Bizarro often, don't you? yes, i knew you did....

today's email funny

today's email funny
Question:

What do you get when you mix PMS with GPS?

Answer:

A crazy bitch who will find you