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Day By Day© by Chris Muir.

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Thursday, March 01, 2007

day in the life of a nuclear submariner

"Master Chief, I want the forward port corner of the reactor compartment cleaned up. it's a shithole"
"Aye aye, Engineer"
"Chief, i want that forward port corner of the reactor compartment cleaned up tonight by the duty section. The Eng wants it squared away when he comes in in the morning."
"Hey NUB, get your ass up to the forward corner of the reactor compartment, and if it isn't nailed down, bolted down, or welded in place, shitcan it. You can start after the evening meal, but it better be done before you hit the bunk."
"uhhh, ok chief."

......

"hey Nook, i need to go to the dentist this morning right after quarters. think you can go finish the valve op job in the reactor compartment upper level for me? i've got the actuators off, pistons removed, new o-rings are in a bag next to the valve housings."
"yeah, sure."
...
"uh, Jake, before you head to the dentist, think you could show me where the stuff is?"
"it's right next to the damned manifold. i left it there yesterday."
"wrongo, reindeer. nothing there but shiny linoleum deckplates."
"WHAAAAAAT? those are the only valves of their type in the free world, and everything except the welded bodies are missing?"
"if you say so."
....
"MASTER CHIEF...we gots us a situation... let me tell you about it."
....
2MC: "Petty Officer NUB, report to Reactor Compartment Upper Level"
"Maneuvering, Reactor Compartment Upper Level, RC division chief reports petty officer NUB has left the boat for day after duty off."
...
"Jake, the next time you decide to leave a job, don't leave your shit laying around."
"Shut the f**k up Nook, and move that pile of garbage over there. the guy at the front gate to the dump said he thought the shipyard truck unloaded somewhere over there."
....
"jake, dude, i think we're in the deep darks. 4 hours, and no bags, no valve domes, no pistons."
"Nook, shut the f**k up, and move THAT pile of garbage. maybe it's over there. oh look, here's the RC div chief, and petty officer NUB. good. they can help us look."
...
"Jake, it's getting kind of dark out here. and i think i'm going to barf."
"Nook, shut the f**k up, and keep looking."
"hey look, here comes petty officer NUB, and HOLY SHYTE! HE FOUND IT!"
...
"Yes Captain, we spent the whole day looking for the parts, and found them about dark. My division brought the parts back, cleaned them up, and finished installing. we're getting ready to test the system after breakfast."
"Very well, Master Chief."
....
"Hey Master Chief, why did I have to go to the dump to look for that crap. I wasn't even around when it go tossed."
"Nook, shut the f**k up. now go tear down #2 HPAC, and take someone with you to learn how to do it. and don't leave any parts laying around, got it?"
"but Mast....
"Nook, shut the f**k up."
"Aye-aye Master Chief"

the above story edited for brevity. left out were: the interminable critique, the finger pointing, the ass chewing, the hate and discontent heaped upon us by Naval Reactors, and a few characters who should STILL remain nameless.

for years, i thought i had a first and last name nickname. you know, Nook, and Shut the f**k up.

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6 Comments:

Blogger Manhair said...

hahahahahahahaaaaa!!!

3/2/07, 12:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love it when you talk nuculer.

3/2/07, 8:59 AM  
Anonymous Tim said...

A classic story, I'm on the surface in the merchant navy, oil tankers to be precise, but the bullshit is the same above and below! Just found your site today while surfing around for fellow seafarers, I hope it's ok to put up your link on my site.
Cheers Tim

3/2/07, 10:41 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Samo samo in the surface fleet 1200psi 950 degree super heated steam plant as opposed to your hot water plants (with d@med expensive boilers).

1200PSI machinist mate MM2 Slug

3/2/07, 10:50 AM  
Anonymous bullnav said...

Cracked me up...

3/2/07, 8:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That would never happen to an Aganger!

That Damn Good Looking Aganger From Iowa

3/12/07, 8:29 PM  

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