JOEL!!!!!!!!! LOOOOOOK OOOOOUUUTTT

here i was, minding my own business, surfing the web, when i came across one of the most frightening things i've seen on the web in many many many moons.

this is from the paragon of journalistic integrity, the Weekly World News :

TASTY EATS OR THREAT TO MANKIND?
POTATOES DEVELOP INTELLIGENCE!
Thursday December 15, 2005

By JESSICA DeBARRETT

CLARKE, Idaho -- In a series of startling events, potatoes on farms in Idaho have suddenly developed intelligence and are on the move.

"I was cultivating the back row of taters when I saw them blinking their eyes and pointing their vines at me," said noticeably upset farmer Floyd Haywood. "I ran and got my boys but by then the spuds had stopped moving. They figgered I'd been sippin' potato moonshine until we went to harvest the crop. That was when those big Idahos -- there was seven of 'em -- just pulled themselves from the dirt and rolled into a gully to try and get away.

"We didn't even have time to scratch our heads," Haywood went on. "We chased them with a big burlap sack and overtook them before they could reach the road. Their roots were waving around like little fingers. We suspect they were gonna hitch a ride to Starchless County."

and a true sign that they aren't, well, shall we say, intellegent:

Weekly World News was granted access to the potato leader, who goes by the name of Duncan. He was able to communicate by blinking Morse code with his eyes.

"We never wanted conflict with humans," he told us. "We read about TV. We only wanted to see The Apprentice."

read the rest of this horrifying, frightening article here