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Day By Day© by Chris Muir.

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Thursday, August 10, 2006

recycled seastories: two lessons in leadership

the last of the batch


Ah yes, the old messing with the boys. well gents, the nucs (we were a crafty lot) on Seawolf were always looking for a good one. The list is waaaaay too long for one reply, but I'll pass a few on over the next couple of days just to kick this cycle into gear.

Two guys on our boat were laying in wait for one of the goofiest occifers we ever had assigned to the boat. This pup wanted to be one of the guys in the worst way. Academy puke and all, and I'm sure that is enough of a description for you. Well, they see this unsuspecting lad traipsing through the reactor compartment on his way to maneuvering in the engine room. Diesel-dirt stuck his thumbs in the vise, and Greg put the torque wrench and valve handwheel adapter on the vise handle. With the expected historonics,Diesel-dirt told Greg to give him a couple of foot-lbs. Greg kept tweeking (holding the handle so that he really wasn't adding any torque). "What are you guys doing?" "Oh sir, this is just how we're testing to see who is the toughest. It's between me and Mike." "Can I try?" "Oh no sir, we don't want to get into any trouble if we hurt you. This can be pretty dangerous, and the Captain would be pissed if we hurt one of his officers." The fly was drifting down stream, and the fish was rising! "Hey, don't worry about that. I'm pretty tough myself, you know" our fish said with perfect solemnity. So, they cleared the vise, and our hapless ens. put his thumbs in the vise. After a few tweeks until it was juuuuust starting to hurt, he admitted that he couldn't pull his thumbs out. Whoos, down came his trousers and skivies, and on went about 1 1/2 lbs of blue rotentium grease, the nastiest, most horrible, water-proof grease ever invented. The engineer came through about 5 minutes later, looking at me kind of weird, because I was sitting on the discharge filter laughing my ass off. He saw his young pup, and gave him a "Great Navy day, eh ensign?" as he passed on his way to the maneuvering room. Of course the SRO reports that the eng almost laughed out a lung once he got out of range. He called the W.R. and asked the Capt. to come aft. The skipper sees me dying, figures out that something was up, and stepped into the engine room. Seeing the young ens., the skipper gave him a "Great Navy day" and walked back to the maneuvering room, where he and the eng laughed themselves silly. They walked forward, ignoring the by now almost pitiful wimpers, telling me as they passed that it was about time for the roving watch to tour aft, didn't I think? Well, that was just about the last time that young pup even spoke to us nucs. Trying to get Mike and Greg written up for their "dastardly act" got the ensign a lesson in being an officer from the Capt. If he was dumb enough to fall for that, he deserved everything he got, or a close approximation to that direct quote.

1: field day...old story, probably every boat sailor heard of someone doing this, i was there with a clipboard writing down hits....As every sailor in the world has done, young bob, the GREAT RIZOOLIE, was tasked with cleaning the heads for field day. We were having a zone inspection, so it was up all bunks in the after berthing area, and E div. had the area sparkling. Since the Nucleonics lab was in after berthing on the seawolf, i was stuck writing down the zone hits when the skipper did his inspection. Young bob had the stainless steel thrones absolutely stainless. he defended the two crappers with his life until after the inspection was over. understandable, but a bit excessive. the skipper shows up, and we began the inspection tour. first, the wascomatic washing machines. i don't know about other boats, but e div had their work cut out for them when those machines broke down, since the tech manuals were still in the original swedish. next came the heads. the C.O. was pretty pleased with their appearance, until he noticed a brown, fecal type material under the lip of the throne. an obvious gig, and one that he told me to write down. well, young bob was standing by his cleaning area, heard the hit and said "wait a minute, i'll take care of it right now". which he did. by running his finger over the material, wiping it off of the steel, and then promptly popping it in his mouth. The captain was pretty cool about it...i was about ready to throw up. "Young Bob, since you so obviously love peanut butter so much, i want you to repeat this performance after every watch for the next 5 days" was all the captain said. he was a lot smarter than most of us gave him credit for. by the way, that was probably the cleanest those crappers were since the day they were built.

7 Comments:

Blogger Cookie..... said...

ABSOLUTELY loved both of these stories...especially the vice....great stories amigo...great post....brought back some memories it did.....

8/11/06, 11:17 AM  
Blogger lazlong said...

How long have these two sea stories been floating around the fleet? I have heard both, pretty much verbatim...allthough I am sure, with this small of a community, the same tricks have been talked about during endless hours, and later submariners have done the exact same things to their unsuspecting shipmates. It is great to hear these stories, keep them coming.

8/11/06, 9:55 PM  
Blogger bothenook said...

laz, i bet those two have been around since submarines were first manned by submariners.
hell, i've heard thousands of seastories, and i've seen many of them played out.
where the hell do you think we got the idea? tribal knowledge, that oh so important glue that holds the past to the future. i don't know what the officers talk about around the wardroom table, but enlisted guys always talk about the last successfull jap, and memorable ones they've seen or heard about.
when WWII subvets were the qual POs for your qual POs, some interesting activity is bound to result.

these stories may have been fluffed over the years simply because i don't remember all the details, but they all happened.
in other words, "This is a No-Shitter"

8/12/06, 7:31 AM  
Blogger lazlong said...

Oh, I don't doubt that they happened, it just astounds me that those stories are still alive, and that people keep falling for a lot of the same pranks, year after year. But I guess there is always that one person that thinks that no one will do something crazy to them, just to get it shoved in their face.

8/13/06, 2:17 PM  
Blogger Bubblehead said...

I'd just like to point out that I never fell for getting taped up, or greased, or pinned in my rack. Although my guys did tape my chair to my desk once...

8/15/06, 11:59 PM  
Blogger bothenook said...

i got an email from another bubblehead that said they used to use the "stress test" on all the newbies on the boat. i wonder if they pulled these pranks on skimmers, and if so, what kind of wrinkles they added to the fun.

8/17/06, 11:54 AM  
Blogger Jon said...

As a skimmer nuke (cruisers), I can safely say that yes, we pulled these same stunts. Taping was always one of the big things, along with the usual gags of sending nubs looking for sea chest keys (the only one I fell for, and I caught on just before I asked the Eng for them...)

I think my favorite was when we had a mechanic plant his bare ass on the window to EOS (maneuvering) one midwatch, then about five minutes later a second mechanic (probably the rover) came up and started licking the window. Everyone in EOS just watched in horrified fascination...

1/6/10, 1:39 PM  

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