today's email humor is suitable for framing

Charlie's wife Lucy had been after him for several weeks to paint the seat on their toilet. Finally, he got around to doing itwhile Lucy was out. After finishing, he left to take care of another matter before she returned.

She came in and undressed to take a shower. Before getting in the shower, she sat on the toilet. As she tried to stand up, she realized that the not-quite-dry epoxy paint had glued her to the toilet seat.


About that time, Charlie got home and realized her predicament. They both pushed and pulled without any success whatsoever. Finally, in desperation, Charlie undid the toilet seat bolts.

Lucy wrapped a sheet around herself and Charlie drove her to the hospital emergency room.

The ER Doctor got her into a position where he could study how to free her.

Lucy tried to lighten the embarrassment of it all by saying,"Well, Doctor, I'll bet you've never seen anything like this before."

The Doctor replied, "Actually, I've seen lots of them. I just never saw one mounted and framed."

music to reload by

loaded 5 cds in the changer, and started to reload some ammo this evening. between last night and tonight, i've replenished at least some 9mm and 38 special target rounds. as i was working with the music in the background, the lyrics floated into my ears, bypassing the internal dialog.

Step inside! Hello! We've the most amazing show. You'll enjoy it all we know. Step inside! Step Inside!

We've got thrills and shocks, supersonic fighting cocks. Leave your hammers at the box
Come Inside! Come Inside! Roll up! Roll up! Roll up!
See the show!

i'd forgotten how much i liked emerson lake and palmer...

bedbugs? i've got something better

i've worked for 38 years in an industry where radioactive materials are part of our daily surroundings. protections are in place to keep from releasing any to the general public, and they work pretty well. we've even had to keep people from coming to work if they've had a medical procedure requiring isotope injection, because there would be no way for us to determine if they were contaminated by something that happened at work, or if it was residual radioactivity from a test. so this article at MyWay kind of struck a funny bone, and also made go go "Whaaaaa?"
worried about bed bugs in hotels? there may be other bugs (that's what we call contamination) in that bed! the headline says "Alarms over radiation from thyroid cancer patients". yeah, i knew most of the things they allude to, but did you know that there are radiation monitors at landfills? actually, i did. but how about radiation monitors in the Lincoln Tunnel, sensitive enough to trigger on a medical procedure dose administered to a person traveling at speed through the tunnel in a vehicle?
i bet there are other places too, but weren't mentioned in the article. i'm guessing airports and other mass public transportation hubs have them as well.

today's email humor

Well, I lost the Trivia Contest at the country club last night by 1 point.

I not only got the last question wrong, but was immediately asked to leave.

Go figure.

The question was: "Where do women have the curliest hair?"



Apparently the correct answer is Fiji .

today's funny

this might be old, but I just heard it.

What do Pink Floyd and Dale Earnhardt have it common?

Their last big hit was The Wall.......

today's email humor post of the day

The Pope and Nancy Pelosi>> >> >>



The Pope and Nancy Pelosi are on the same stage in Yankee Stadium in front of a huge crowd.

The Pope leans towards Mrs. Pelosi and said, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, but will go deep into their hearts and they'll forever speak of this day and rejoice!"

Pelosi replied, "I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me!"

So the Pope backhanded the bitch--


AND THE CROWD ROARED & CHEERED WILDLY....

Kind of brings tears to your eyes, doesn't it

just kayaking along

pix from my latest trip out on the kayak.


see the whole set here

today's email humor from my buddy Jay

Learn from your elders


A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long flight.

The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could get one over on them easy.

So the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game.

The senior is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists, saying that the game is a lot of fun. I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5. Then you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500, he says.

This catches the senior's attention and, to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. 'What's the distance from the Earth to the Moon?'

The senior doesn't say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

Now it's the senior's turn. He asks the lawyer, 'What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?'

The lawyer uses his laptop and searches all references he can find on the Net.

He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows; all to no avail. After an hour of searching, he finally gives up.

He wakes the senior and hands him $500. The senior pockets the $500 and goes right back to sleep.

The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the senior up and asks, 'Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?'

The senior reaches into his pocket, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

primers!

wow. looks like the great primer famine may finally be over. i just got 4000 of the 7000 i ordered back in late October, with the remainder set to arrive around the end of the month.
finally. i was starting to wonder if i would ever get more. the kids found some around Christmas time (at what was probably predatory prices), so i was not without resources. but dayam. an 8 month backorder logjam? you kidding me?

bizarro is the best

you do go and visit Bizarro often, don't you? yes, i knew you did....

today's email funny

today's email funny
Question:

What do you get when you mix PMS with GPS?

Answer:

A crazy bitch who will find you

You Promised Never Again......

You Promised Never Again......
Originally uploaded by Daneli

people that get all butt hurt when someone uses a firearm for humor crack me up. i mean, WTF? humor is humor, regardless of the the prop. take this picture. an expensive pair of heels, a dog, and a pissed off owner. what is not to laugh at. this picture makes me laugh.

the latest in gun control counter arguments

ok, i know that my sources are undocumented. i'll state that up front. these are numbers from various gun magazines i subscribe to, and so, yes, there may very well be subjectivity in the numbers. that said:

77% increase in violent crime in UK since 1997. (guess they showed us how, by banning firearms, and sending people that defend themselves against attack to jail)

2,034 violent crimes per 100K in UK

1,609 violent crimes per 100K in South Africa

935 violent crimes per 100K in Canada (wait, isn't Canada supposed to be a friendly, gun controlled place, eh?)

466 violent crimes per 100K in USA. yup, half of Canada's numbers, and less than a quarter of the UK's. and these are countries that espouse very tough anti-gun laws.

source: page 104, July/August 2010 American Handgunner.

hmmmmmm. wonder if allowing the average citizen to carry a weapon, and defend him/her self has anything to do with it?

Dennis Henigan-one of the most prolific advocates of the legal theories the Supreme Court sent to the shredder two years ago, but still Brady's chief lawyer-claimed that "The evidence is overwhelming that the 'shall-issue' concealed carry laws have been a disaster for public safety. ...{T}the scholarly research shows that the laws generally have been 'associated with uniform increases in crime.'"

We call your hand, Dennis. The number of states that have "shall issue" laws is at an all-time high, 63 percent of Americans live in "shall issue" states, a record 5 million Americans have carry permits and the nation's violent crime rate has fallen to a 35-year low. Since adopting "shall issue laws, Arizona, Florida, Georgia, Louisiana, Nevada, North Carolina, Oregon, South Carolina, Texas, Utah and Virginia have had decreases in violent crime ranging from 26 to 53 percent.

source pg 67 June 2010 American Rifleman

and here I sit in the People's Republic of Kahleefornia, where I was told that "exercising your Constitutional Second Amendment right isn't enough justification to issue a conceal carry permit" by the local sheriff. at least it isn't illegal for me to own and utilize my weapons for self defense if some yob decides our house would make a great department store.

Guns in school,1942

Guns in school,1942
Originally uploaded by bobster855

I'd say we are moving backwards as a society, not forward. here's a picture from 1942, where these two marksmanship students are practicing. Practicing in what looks like the hallway of their school. note the school lockers behind them.

road trip

so i went to Philadelphia last week for training. While there, i took a little time to wander around the place, do some sightseeing, and to visit the home of the Philly Cheese Steaks. for a short pictorial, clicky my FLICKR set of Philly pictures

leaving on a jet plane....

heading to Philly in the wee hours of the morning. weather guessers say i should expect storms and unsettled weather. damn. it is absolutely beautiful here. oh well, variety is the spice and all that rot....

today's email humor

Retiree Bathtub Test

During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you determine whether or not a retiree should be put in an old age home?"

"Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the retiree and ask him or her to empty the bathtub"

"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it
is bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No" he said. "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

tanker mirrored

tanker mirrored
Originally uploaded by Tim the sailor

some of the folks i know take amazing photos. here's one from an Irish captain of a merchant marine ship sailing the cold cold waters of the Atlantic. This is from Tim at Tim's Times. he's shown me that it doesn't matter if the sailors are foreign, military, surface or submariners. his stories prove sailors are sailors regardless of what or where they are sailing.

it's almost tax day, and I'm feeling the pain

Are you one of the 47% of this nation's population that aren't paying federal income tax this year? if so, please come visit me, and bring a couple of steaks...i prefer grass fed, and a sixer or two as thanks. uncle sam got deeeeep into our pockets this year.
and of course, this is the time the pundits find a receptive audience, especially those of us that actually paid taxes this year.

this article by Phyllis Shlafly in Town Hall magazine just hits a lot of valid talking points before wandering off into the typical rant. but her points are damned valid.

Income tax day, April 15, 2010, now divides Americans into two almost equal classes: those who pay for the services provided by government and the freeloaders. The percentage of Americans who will pay no federal income taxes at all for 2009 has risen to 47 percent.
.....
When Obama told Joe the Plumber he wanted to "spread the wealth around," Obama wasn't kidding. That's exactly what he is now doing: taking money from taxpayers and spreading it around to non-taxpayers.

Happy Easter.

let's see.
20 pound spiral cut honey baked ham.....check.
3 quart casserole dish with scalloped potatoes ready to go in the oven.....check
4 pounds of asparagus ready for the steamer......check
big bowl of homemade applesauce?.....check
salad fixin's ready?.....check
pink bunny frosted coconut cake and an apple pie?......check
tables set up, and 22 chocolate bunnies, one for each person set as a part of the table decoration?.....check
plastic eggs filled with candy and coins for the kiddies?......check

guess we're ready.
may all of you have a joyous and happy Easter.

Delta Airlines can kiss my keister

so i've got to go to Philly next month, and like a good employee, i bought the tickets early enough to minimize the financial impact of the trip.
so today, i get an email from delta telling me that due to their scheduling changes, my flight itinerary has changed. to the point where i've got to get on three airplanes to get home, with layovers in two different airports.
bull sh*t!
looks like i'm canceling my flights, and rebooking on another airline.

virginia is a gimme, let's see him ok Kahleefornia

oh, what a delicious news tidbit. our president, holding the adoration and awe of the people of this country, has decided to ok offshore oil drilling in Virginia.
standby for the caterwauling and teeth gnashing from those that will feel betrayed by this paragon of socialism, the green candidate of choice.
ok, so i'm being a smart ass. but come on, virginia is a gimme. i want to see him beard pelosi and boxer et al. lets see him lift the ban off of kaleefornia, where there is much more oil than off of virginia.
he does that, and then i'll know he's serious about making us more independent of the world's oil suppliers. and the increased tax revenue here will be most welcome.

food blog: Carrot raisin salad SOUP

so the wife was at work today, and I was left home, unsupervised. while digging through the refrigerator to come up with something to make for dinner, i noticed a 1 pound bag of carrots in the crisper. they were still firm, but it didn't take a nuclear scientist to figure out they were almost past their prime.
hmmmmmm. carrot and raisin salad. di likes that, i like that, why not? well, i'll tell you why not. i didn't have a can of pineapple in the pantry, and i was not leaving the house today just to gather ingredients for a salad.
so, what's a nuke to do? let's see, di loves butternut squash soup, and kale soup, and BHD's celery and stilton soup and broccoli and cheese soup, and baked potato soup, and lentil soup, and black bean soup... get the pattern here? by the way, all of these recipes are either linked, or can be found on my recipe page
well, what the hell. so i couldn't make carrot raisin salad, but i COULD make a great carrot soup with most of the ingredients found in the salad.
Ingredients:

• 1 pound of carrots, peeled and cut into approximately 1/2 to 3/4 inch chunks
• 1/2 white onion, roughly chopped (leftover from the crisper drawer, more is always ok
• 4 cloves garlic, smashed and roughly chopped
• 1 apple peeled, cored, and roughly chopped (i used a gala apple, because that's what is in the fruit bowl. a granny smith would have been awesome too)
• 2 stalks of celery, peeled with a veggie peeler to get rid of the strings and cut into about 1 inch pieces... peeling celery is a trick i learned from watching Jacques Pepin cook with Julia Child on PBS over the years
• 1 cup white wine (i used Fetzer's Gewurztraminer because it is really sweet, like raisins)
• 2 14.5 oz cans of low sodium chicken broth, and 1 can of water
• 1 palm full of oregano (probably around a tablespoon or so)
• about a teaspoon of dried basil
• a couple of shakes of coriander
• salt and ground pepper to taste
• olive oil, enough to lightly cover the bottom of the pot

so, mister wizard, how do you make this soup?
first, heat the olive oil in the pot over medium heat until it is almost smoking. toss in the carrots, celery, and onion. add a couple of pinches of salt and a few twists of coarsely ground black pepper. sweat until the onion starts to turn translucent, between 5 and 10 minutes, depending on how attentive you are. i went almost 10. then add the garlic. continue sweating the veggies until you can smell the garlic, which will only take a minute or two.
then add the stock, wine, and water, enough to cover the veggies. bring to a boil, then reduce to a simmer. add the herbs and apple when you turn down the heat. i used herbs to make the soup savory, otherwise i'm thinking it would be too sweet for a dinner soup. let this simmer for 20 or 30 minutes, until the carrots are nice and soft.
remove from the stove and puree with an immersion blender, or allow it to cool a bit, and run it through a regular blender.
put it back on the stove to reheat if necessary, and then EAT!
pretty tasty. i thought the basil was a bit much, Di disagrees.
so there you have it. a carrot soup inspired by carrot, raisin, and apple salad. i probably wouldn't have made this if we'd had crushed pineapple in the pantry. lucky for me that we didn't.
we WILL be having this again

as always, if you try this recipe, or it inspires you to try something different, please let me know how it turned out. i'm always looking for fresh and clever ideas to improve my own cooking skills and recipes.

for a complete list of my online recipes, follow the link here

health care questions

i'm not being snarky here. seriously. but if we are now all required to get health care, and the health care doesn't permit pre-conditions, or have an annual or lifetime limit, does this mean my auto insurance and my home owner's insurance rates will go down?
look at your policies, and see how much of your rates are linked to medical. if everyone has insurance by law, why do i need to continue to pay for medical on my car or house?
a friend asked me that, and i'll be damned if i can give him a real answer.

Random musings

random thought #1: i got a great offer to do a little motorcycle jaunt from kahleefornia to missouri to attend the seawolf reunion in october. can't do it due to work, but it HAS been forever since i took a long (multiple day) bike trip. kinda makes my butt tingle a little thinking about it. is that a good thing?

random thought #2: sure seems that there are a lot of unhappy people wandering around, clutching crumbled sheets of paper muttering "damned georgetown." heh.

random thought #3: beautiful weather today. high 70's, very light breeze, and the grass was freshly mowed at the range today. lousy shooting on my part, but the old fishing saying goes double for shooting....a bad day at the range is better than a good day at work. i had the shakes for some reason, and that 3" metal target i was aiming at on the 50 yard range was pretty safe. oh well, there's always the next time!

random thought #4: london style fish and chips at the local Tug Boat eatery are a great friday evening dinner. don't be shy about splashing on the malt vinegar!

today's email humor

man, this is the truth.

From: Retired U.S Navy Personnel

To: The American Public

Subj: Position Statement of the U.S. Economy

1. We in retirement take exception to everyone saying that Bernanke, Obama, Reid and Pelosi are spending like drunken sailors. When we were drunken sailors, we quit when we ran out of money.

doooood. i found a backup job!

just in case i lose my current employment, i should be ok. i mean, if this guy can make a living, i should be able to easily blow him away in performances.

2/1/2010 today's email funny

I get some pretty funny stuff via emal. here's today's:

DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas, and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher says, "Okay, but do not go in that field over there," as he points out the location.

The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher.

"See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand? "

The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.

A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull......

With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified. The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs.....

" Your badge. Show him your BADGE ! "

d'oh!!!

heh. guess the mass. dems had to learn the same lessons the republicans did across the country. lesson: don't take anything for granted, and it probably would be a good idea to represent the people that elected you.
as one headline reads: GREAT SCOTT!